Am I selfish or am I deserving?

I often have the same conversation with friends, clients, and even my internal dialogue when discussing putting needs first. The feedback from the other party is typically something along the lines of “it feels selfish.” Meanwhile, the symptoms of burnout, comparison to others, anxiety, and depression all come seeping into our chat. I can say until I am blue in the face the importance of putting your own face mask on first, but it never really hits home until down the line when making the decision to choose yourself and reflecting on outcomes that the answer is clear: you NEED to take time for yourself, you deserve to give yourself time and space.

The fact is, we are human beings, not human doings (shout out to my therapist for the kind of cheesy metaphor). We can’t just perform, react, and give to our families, friends, work, and environment without refilling and refueling in different ways. “But what’s this magic self-care act that will make my symptoms decrease, Allison?” That, my friend, is a unique recipe only for you (and maybe your therapist and support system to help) to explore. Some find daily movement, eating full meals not multitasking, and putting their phones down helpful. Some need time away from caretaking, responsibilities, and demands for moments throughout the day or week. Others need to identify and intentionally connect with certain parts of their community. The best part of choosing you is that there are boundless options to look into and test what fuels your soul. I might be biased, but I have it on good authority that seeking therapy can be a great way to create self-care and accountability towards goals uniquely for yourself.

So try it out! Make a timeline to go in on choosing yourself throughout your week; it doesn’t have to be large amounts of time. It’s about adding to your life, not piling on more to-dos. Check-in when that timeline is complete, and ask yourself: did it make me feel better or good? Chances are, your fears of what it will do to your life won’t have come true.